San Antonio or Bust

Well, I made the move back to San Antonio and it has been a little more than a month. I have not sold the house in Harlingen yet so there are still ties there. Things have been going well but there have been some unexpected emotions. There are things that I thought I had dealt with but then they come up to the surface seems like out of nowhere. I think part of it was the fact that I was coming home, but things of course are not the same. When we moved to Harlingen I remember telling John that the house just did not feel like it was ours. Of course after awhile it became our home. I had been so sad to leave our home in San Antonio where we had started our family and brought 3 children home from the hospital. When I left Harlingen and came back to San Antonio I did not have those feelings. It felt like we belonged in the house from day one, and I had no tears leaving the house in Harlingen. I don't know if it was because we were in Harlingen for such a short time or if we just belong here in San Antonio.

As much as the house feels like home it still feels empty without John. It is very evident that he is not here. I packed up his clothes in boxes, just like I did everyone else's, but I will not be unpacking his clothes like I have everyone else's. That makes me sad. It is also more evident that John is gone when I have to go to Home Depot or Lowe's for something and I have to figure it all out by myself. Not that John was handy, but he would at least take on that duty and try and figure it out. I had to go to The Home Depot to get a different power cord for my dryer and when that man was telling me how to change it out and all that I needed to be careful of I had to do my best to not start crying. I started to tear up and I am sure the man was thinking I was crazy, but I was able to hold my composure until I go to the car! Again, emotions that I was not expecting come up when I don't expect it.

But overall things are good. Lucking more ups than downs, and when I have the downs since I am not working I can stay in bed and sleep!